Sunday, 1 September 2013

Tone Policing

verb. tohn-poh-lees-ing

This is a ploy used by certain privileged individuals to gaslight others with oppressive, silencing statements such as, "Will you stop swearing at me please?" and, "Actually, that's quite spectacularly defamatory." Such statements ignore the existence of an external Oppression-o-Meter, for which scores of over 100 entitles the holder to be as rude and obnoxious as they like. Scores of over 300 permit the individual to wilfully misinterpret tweets into what they imagine someone said. This goes up to a score of 1000, above which the bearer has legal immunity to kick a puppy to death on YouTube.

Historical examples of tone policing include,

Martin Luther King

Martin Luther King Jr NYWTS.jpg

This Baptistsplainer utterly failed to take into account the privilege accorded to him as a media personality with a large platform. This prompted him to come out with tone-policing statements such as, "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Whatever did comments like that achieve, eh?

Gautama Buddha



Initially he made some commendable attempts to check his privilege, venturing beyond his palace walls to witness an old man, a sick person, a corpse and an ascetic, prompting him to leave the palace for good in search of ally cookies. Unfortunately he then degenerated into enlightenedsplaining and tone policing with his "Middle Way" and "Eightfold Path". He persisted with this despite the best efforts of Mara to call him out. Eventually he flounced not just from the discussion from the entire Wheel of Samara. Smug enlightened twat.


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